Bullying - Both Sides of The Fence

Whether your child is being bullied or is the bully, our parenting expert has some solid advice for you.

When Your Child is Acting Like a Bully

Situation
It has been brought to my attention that my child has been bullying other kids at school. How can I help him improve his behavior?

Think about it
At first you may want to blame the other kids, or the adult who brought the information to your attention. You need to be honest with yourself to determine the truth in the situation. If your child has been acting in aggressive ways, you'll want to help your child have more positive interactions with other children. Your child needs you on his side right now to help him learn how to control his own behavior.

Solution #1: Instead talk about specific incidents. Ask helpful questions to determine the reasons for your child's behavior. Brainstorm with him a variety of options he would have as an alternative to being rough. Help him learn new ways to handle the conflicts that arise with other children. Use role-play to help your child practice new ways of responding to other children.

Solution #2: If possible, arrange to have your child spend some time with an older, responsible child. If you don't have any close family members or friends that fit the bill, look into a Big Brother or Big Sister program. It may help to find a mentor for your child who can teach good social skills by example.

Solution #3: If you must discipline a child for a specific act, such as punching another child at school, use discretion when deciding on a consequence. Yelling, hitting or harsh punishment will only encourage your child to continue his own aggressive behavior. Instead, look for constructive consequences, such as assigning chores at home, or writing a note of apology to the child who was hurt.

Solution #4: Discourage your child from spending time with friends who behave in aggressive ways. (See: Friends, inappropriate choice of.) Encourage your child to become involved in an organized youth activity. Participation in a team or group often gives a child the social experience he may be lacking. Another option is to enroll him in one of the social skills classes that are now appearing in schools, churches and hospitals.

Solution #5: Enroll your child in a quality martial arts school. Visit the school first and watch a few classes in action before you mention the idea to your child. Choose a program with smaller class sizes. An authentic program will teach restraint, respect, and self-control. A good martial arts teacher will convey a quiet, reserved confidence. Talk with the teacher in advance of classes to let him know your concerns about your child's behavior, and what you are looking to achieve with the class. An experienced teacher should make you feel confident that you are making the right choice for your child. This may be just what your child needs to learn to control his physical power, and to develop self-discipline. (And it's heartwarming to see your child bow to the master and hear him end every sentence with a hearty "Sir" or "Ma'am"!)

Special Note: If your child displays a continuing pattern of aggression he may display other negative behaviors as well. He may display signs of low self-esteem, have problems in school, spend excessive time alone, and have a hard time controlling his anger. If this were the case, it would be wise to seek professional counseling for your child, so that the reason for the behavior can be discovered, and the child can learn to control his emotions and learn to succeed socially.

When Your Child is the Victim of a Bully

Situation
A bully is picking on my child. What can I do to stop this?

Think about it
As much as you'd like to step in and solve this problem yourself, it's probably in your child's best interest to teach him how to solve the problem. Once he's learned the skills to stand up for himself he can use them in other life situations.

Solution #1: Teach your child how to respond to a bully in a bold assertive way. Practice with him at home in a role-play situation. Demonstrate the difference between cowering and whispering, "Oh, go away, please leave me alone." versus standing tall, using a deep, loud, voice and saying with authority, "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Solution #2: Suggest that your child stick with two or more other children when at the playground, the bus stop or wherever he comes face to face with the bully.

Solution #3: If the bully problem is at school, tell your child that if he's not successful in fending the bully off on his own it's okay to ask for help from a teacher or playground attendant. Rehearse with him what to say when he approaches an adult for help so he doesn't sound like he's whining or tattling. "Excuse me, Mr. Watanabe, but Jason keeps chasing me and throwing stones at me. I've asked him to stop but he won't." If your child practices saying this at home he will come across sounding confidant and will more likely get assistance from the teacher.

Solution #4: Teach your child to turn and walk away from a child who is being a verbal bully, without so much as a word. Being ignored may cause the bully to give up.

Solution #5: Determine if your child has healthy friendships with other children. If your child is a regular victim and doesn't have many friends, she can benefit by developing better social skills. Encourage your child to invite friends over to your home or to invite them to accompany you on an outing.

Special Note: If your child tries many different approaches but is continually harassed by a bully, or if the bully is physically aggressive, you may need to step in. It is rarely, if ever, effective to approach the bully or his parent's directly. Instead, approach the school principal or other person in a position of authority. If you lose your temper and yell, it will be unlikely you'll get the help you need. Instead, take the time to think about what you will cover in the meeting, and call ahead for an appointment. Outline the specific behaviors that you are concerned with, review the tactics you have used to try to stop the behavior, and have several suggested solutions in mind. Approach the principal with a calm, matter-of-fact attitude and you should be able to put together a plan to control the situation.

 More You Might Like:
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Managing Morning Madness
Kids Home Alone: When and How?
Preventing School Bullying and Protecting Your Child


About the Author:
Elizabeth Pantley is author of Perfect Parenting, Hidden Messages, & Kid Cooperation, and president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues. Elizabeth's newsletter, Parent Tips is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Twins, Working Mother, and Woman's Day magazines.

Balancing Youth Sports and Family Life: How to Find Balance & Reclaim Family Time

Raising sports active kids is difficult, perhaps more today than ever before. Parents feel pressure to help their kids succeed. They want to keep up with other parents in an increasingly winner-take-all society. Too often, parents just like you feel that if they don't do everything for their child, they are bad parents.

In fact, surveys show that today's sport active kids and their parents get too caught up in the crazy sports vortex. Today's parents spend eleven hours less a week with their teenagers than they did two decades ago. The average mother spends less than a half hour per day talking with her teens. Only six out of ten 15 and 16 year olds regularly eat dinner with their parents. Family vacations are down by 28 percent. Sports have replaced church on Sunday for many families. Children are being benched for missing practice to be with their families on religious holidays.

Surveys also show that your children most likely lament the lack of parental attention. They want to spend more time with you, not less. They want more free time, not less.

I sincerely believe it's time to reclaim our family time. Here's how you can find a balance between your children's youth sport activities and your family life:

Schedule family time. Set aside one night a week or month as Family Game Night. Choose a board game, play card games, make tacos, and just be together. Make it sacred time.

Consider your travel time. Before you allow your children to play a particular sport, or on a particular team, consider your travel time to practices and games. Other things to consider include: your work schedule as well as your spouses, your children's school schedule and homework demands, carpool availability, and the needs of other family members.

 

Look for balanced sports programs. Look for leagues and clubs that balance sports, family and school life. Make sure the program emphasizes having fun more than winning. Children shouldn't be penalized for missing practice on Christmas Eve to be with their family.

Find a balance between sports. Introduce your children to sports such as golf, tennis, squash, racquetball, cycling, sailing, windsurfing, rock climbing, jogging, kayaking, rowing, or canoeing that they can enjoy after their competitive careers are over. Encourage your children to engage in sports and activities with you as long as they enjoys them, like bike riding, hiking, skating, sailing, and running. Encourage them to play different sports and avoid early specialization. It will them develop a variety of transferable motor skills such as jumping, running, twisting and simultaneously reduce the risk of overuse injuries that too often result from early specialization.

Allow for a social life outside of sports. Being on a travel or select team often requires a year-round or near year-round commitment and extensive travel. If you allow your children to participate, they can end up socially isolated from the family, their peers and the larger community. The athletic role can become so consuming and controlling that their childhood essentially disappears. Early specialization can thus interfere with normal identity development, increasing the risk that a child will develop what psychologists call a one-dimensional self-concept in which they see themselves solely as an athlete instead of just a part of who they are.

Coach your child's team on "kid time". Too many parents fall victim to the idea that practices have to happen after an adult's workday is over. This falls during the dinner hour, when children should be spending time with their family. With the new statistics of parents (primarily mothers) working from home, why not get your coaching license and run the practice in the afternoon right after school is over? This will give you time to be with your children and their friends and still be home in time for dinner with the rest of the family.

It is possible to create balance within your family's everyday life, even with children who participate in sports. But it is up to you as the parents to make certain that your kids don't over schedule and that they establish the right priorities.

What's Related
Achieving Balance in Your Family
Surviving Little League
The Cost of Competition on Kids
The Simpler Family

 

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About the Author
Brooke de Lench, Youth Sports Parenting Expert and author of Home Team Advantage: The Critical Role of Mothers in Youth Sports has helped over 42 million moms and dads worldwide get the tools and information they need to make their child's youth sports experience safer, less stressful and more inclusive. For more information on balancing your child's sports life with your family life, go to www.momsteam.com and sign up for Brooke's free newsletter.

DaGeDar: The Hottest New Racing Toys of the Summer! - Review and Giveaway

***WE HAVE A WINNER!****

Our #2 Anonymous Poster says: What an awesome giveaway! I'd love to win this and give it to my grandkids for Christmas! Thanks for the giveaway 

Congratulations, Dorothea! 

Watch your inbox for an email from me today. You have 48 hrs to respond to it.

************************************

From the makers of the really popular ZhuZhu Pets, DaGeDar is one of this summer's hottest new racing and collectibles games. We were one of the lucky households chosen from Mom Select and DaGeDar to review a race set.

My kids couldn't wait to tear open the boxes to see which track and balls we were sent.

We tested the High Speed Jump Stunt Track. The tracks are easy to assemble and are made with great flexibility so that you can raise and lower them for different racing challenges every time! 

High Speed Jump Stunt Track

So, what speeds down those race tracks? They are DaGeDar racing balls! Each ball is outfitted with a special racing face and comes with its very own registration number that your kids can use to register their balls online at the DaGeDar website. There are 6 sets of racing balls to choose from.

Set #1

Also included was a cool Flip Action Carrying Case and a Vortex Spinner. Each comes with their own special DaGeDar ball.

Each carrying case holds up to 3 balls and is equipped with a clip so you can clip them on your belt loop or back pack! We received a green carrying case (my daughter's favorite color!). The cases also come in orange and black.

Flip Action Carrying Case

Use your Vortex Spinner to launch off-the-track challenges!

Vortex Spinner

Advertised as the coolest new "boys' " toys this summer, we are here to tell you that girls love these racing collectibles and race tracks, too! (Shhh...don't tell anyone but Alexis beat her brother at most of the races!)

Both of my kids enjoyed playing with this racetrack. My daughter is always propping the track up against different things around our house. So far, the fastest time is when its propped up against the couch. (above).

Definitely a cool toy and the balls make trading fun again!

Now you have a chance to win your very own DaGeDar Basic Ball Set PLUS a Vortex Spinner or a Flip Action Carrying Case!
(US Residents Only - Prizes awarded are chosen by Mom Select and DaGeDar)

To enter this giveaway, all you have to do is let us know why you would like to win this great DaGeBar Set!  

** Limit one entry per person **

The giveaway runs from 8/12 thru 8/19.  

The winner will be emailed and had 48 hrs. to respond.  Please be sure that your email info. appears so that I can contact you.  


(I was provided with these products to review by by Mom Select and DaGeDar)

Silly Bandz: The Game for your iOS devices

The Silly Bandz phase has caught on everywhere! Now you can play Silly Bandz: The Game on your IPhone, IPod Touch or on your IPad. Stella the Puppy, the official bulldog mascot of Silly Bandz, is there to help offer instructions on how to play the game, as well as, offering very helpful tips along the way.

Featuring 30 challenging levels set in beach, forest and volcano environments, boys and girls will delight in shooting Silly Bandz, like rubber bands, to collect stars that are hidden around Magical Island.

Once all of the Silly Bandz have been collected, the player moves on to the next level, earning even more Silly Bandz to use in the harder levels. Even if you think that you're not interested in playing this game, try it out. It's addicting! My daughter and I had a great time challenging each other to beat our high scores. Of course, she had to be covered head to toe in Silly Bandz while playing the game!


 Silly Bandz for iPhone and iPod Touch will be available on the App Store soon for $0.99. The iPad version of Silly Bandz will be available on the same day for $1.99.

Also published by Zoo Publishing, Silly Bandz for the Nintendo DS is now available nationwide for $29.99 and includes a set of exclusive video game themed Silly Bandz bracelets.

Should You Buy Your Kid a Cell Phone?

According to a recent report by the Kaiser Family Foundation, 66 percent of kids own a cell phone. Are you part of the remaining 34 percent and you're wondering if you should just go ahead and buy one or stand your ground and not give in the pressure? This is a divisive issue with some parents who firmly take the pro-technology stance—and there are certainly arguments in favor of giving your child a way to call 911 at any time or to receive calls from parents. On the other side of the fence are the parents who don't see the need and worry that once the kids get phones, they will start texting like mad, running up enormous bills that the parents then have to pay.

Here are some commonly-held positions you may want to consider:

• "You can have it when you can pay for it." Take the onus off yourself and put the responsibility firmly in the hands of the child. 
• "You can have one but it's prepaid and for emergencies only." Start small—give them a chance to prove they can handle the responsibility and see how it goes. 
• "You can have one when you start driving (but of course you can't use it while driving)." The safety feature of being able to track them using GPS is a major contributing factor to this school of thought. 
• "No cell phones for children in this house." Hey, you're the parent and if you decide you don't want your kid to have a phone, then they don't get one. End of discussion. 

What are your thoughts?

Teaching Kids About Money

Simple fact: Kids who are taught about money grow up to be adults who manage their money well. But for those of us who feel intimidated by the subject and don't really know where or how to start, take heart. Start with these steps and get your kids on the road to financial freedom. They won't realize the importance of this now but they will thank you later.

Start with allowance
Kids respond to concrete examples so decide on a weekly amount and begin the process of understanding how the world of finance works: take them to the bank and open a savings account. Let them use their money for all discretionary spending, thereby teaching them about the concept of saving for large purchases. They want something but don't have the cash? They can't afford to buy it. That is a valuable lesson, start the teaching early!

Read more ideas on starting and maintaining an allowance for kids.

Risk vs. reward
Introduce the idea of working for things that you want with extra chores. A house cannot run efficiently unless everyone does their part, and there's usually no money changing hands for that. However, you may choose to assign a dollar value to additional household chores outside of their normal responsibilities and let kids work for the money. Also, talk to them about not just things they want now, but planning for the future (college tuition, vacations, etc).

Balancing a budget
Talk to your kids about what a budget represents: freedom to be in charge of yourself and your life. Start to teach them that part of every person's life is work (which they will now understand because they have chores) and what "living within your means" means. Draw up a budget and see what they can afford and consider using your family budget as an illustration: you don't have to go over every purchase with them, just give them the broad sense of what your monthly budget looks like.

Giving back
Teach social responsibility early by including charity in your conversation you're your kids about money. Help them find a worthy cause and start donating to it! Consider volunteering for the organization if they have that opportunity for kids and make it something they will embrace for their entire lives because when you give to charity, you are really giving to yourself.

You might also want to read about how to make saving fun for your child. Armed with the right information, you can teach your children their financial ABCs.

Fun at the Beach Survival Kit

If you live near a beach, whether it be the ocean or a lake, it's a great way to enjoy time with your kids and keep away the boredom bug. If you don't live near the water, but are planning a vacation to the beach, here's a list of items that are a must have!

Sunscreen
This is probably the most important item in your beach bag. Make sure that you have sufficient sunscreen protection for yourself and your children. The sun's ultraviolet rays are at their strongest during the hours of 10:00 a.m. and 4:00 p.m., so limit your time in the sun during those hours. Choose a sunscreen lotion that is at the very least 15 SPF, more appropriate for children is an SPF of 30 or more. Be sure to adequately apply the sunscreen to all exposed skin, including ears, nose, and neck. Speak to your doctor about sunscreen and babies under 6 months of age. Don't forget your lips! Bring along sun protective lip balm with an SPF of 15 or more. An Aloe based after sun lotion is a great way to soothe your skin after a day in the sun, apply after your day at the beach.

Protective Barriers
Sunglasses that block ultraviolet rays, sun hats with brims, and beach umbrellas are all wonderful items to have along for added protection. Babies under 6 months old should wear protective clothing, a brimmed sun hat, and if possible, baby sunglasses that protect from harmful UV rays. Babies should not spend a lot of time in the sun, but when they are, keep them protected! A frist aid kit with band aids, an antibiotic cream, and other essentials is an excellent idea as well.

Chairs & Blanket
There are chairs made specifically for the beach, they sit low to the ground and fold up neatly, often they include a handy shoulder strap. Don't count on the beach having chairs for its guests! A blanket is another nice thing to bring along. Not only is it comfortable to sit on, but it's a welcome comfort from the hot sand on bare feet.

Read the rest of this article and get our checklist for your Fun at the Beach Survival Kit!

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Find Your Best Friends in a Playgroup

From board meetings and deadlines to board games and diapers, I transitioned from a public relations professional at a university to a full time stay-at-home mom. Quicker than I expected, isolation and loneliness set in as I spent my days at home with a toddler and a preschooler. Realizing that I had to find other children and at-home parents nearby, my solution was to start a playgroup.

Since then, I have had two more children, founded three more playgroups and a homeschool group, and have written a book. But I would have to say that the most important result from my early playgroup efforts is that my children and I have made lifelong friends! You, too, can find your best friends in a playgroup and enjoy getting out of the house. Picture weekly playgroup sessions and impromptu playdates, someone to talk to about parenting issues and something to do besides sing nursery rhymes and change diapers!

So what are we waiting for? Let's get started!

To save you some time, you may want to look for an existing group in your area first. Contact local churches, libraries, YMCAs and hospitals in your area. Most support groups for parents meet in locations such as these. Surf the Internet for an existing group. Web sites such as OnlinePlaygroup.com, PlaydateConnection.com and ClubsForMoms.com feature directories of playgroups and parents' groups sorted by city and state.

Check the community calendar of your local newspaper. Many groups advertise their meetings. Join a local chapter of one of the many national organizations for at-home parents, such as MOMS Clubs (Moms Offering Moms Support), MOPS (Mothers Of PreSchoolers) and Mothers and More.

There are also organizations for at-home dads, working parents, parents of multiples, etc. Although many of them require fees, they are nominal and they cover a variety of services, such as playgroups.

If you can't find an existing group to join, start your own playgroup. Follow these steps and soon you and your child will be making new friends!

Read all the ideas for Finding Your Best Friends in a Playgroup on FamilyCorner.com

Backyard Camp

Any parent looking for a unique summer camp experience for their child should consider the possibilities of organizing a Backyard Camp in their community.

The Backyard Camp is a fun, creative and extremely affordable summer camp program that has been in existence in Teaneck for many, many years. The commitment of time and resources on families to organize and plan is well worth it when they see all of the fun their children are having.

How does it work?

A Backyard Camp is a parent-organized, summer camp program that alternates between different neighborhood backyards. A teacher and assistant, hired by the families are responsible for providing opportunities for learning and play.

Parents participate in every other way from managing finances to driving on field trips. Parents along with the teachers help to create the atmosphere of the camp.

Why do it?

There are several reasons to start a B.Y.C. One very practical reason is financial. Full service camps run into the thousands of dollars for just one child!

To learn how to organize a Backyard Camp visit FamilyCorner.com

Tornado Alley - The Children's Rooms

I love my children dearly, but I struggle with teaching them to be more orderly in their ways. They thrive on routine - on knowing when things will happen - but their rooms often look like a tornado has passed through. I could continue to pick up after them until they move out, but I don't think my future daughters-in-law (or son-in-law) would appreciate that. Instead, I've tried to organize their rooms in such a way that it is easy for them to keep things picked up.

Furniture

I've noticed that the younger the child, the more space they need. Cribs, toddler beds, dressers and other items work best against the wall so that there is an open space in the middle of the room. This open space works well for beginning walkers to get their "land legs" and also for playing with big toys (large connecting bricks, sorting cups and shapes, chunky people in playhouses, etc.) I asked a few friends how their children's rooms were set up and found some very similar answers.

Karen, from Georgia, is expecting her 10th child in December, and her three youngest (5, 4 & 2) share a room. Besides a bed each child also has a steamer trunk to hold clothes. Tammy, from Washington, has 7 children. In the baby's room, besides a crib and dresser, is a rocking chair and changing table. Cheryl, from Texas, has 7 children in three rooms. She has a child's bed and baby bed in one room along with two dressers. Corina, also in Texas, has 5 children. The oldest 3 share a room with a futon bunk bed (sleeps two on the bottom and one on the top,) a dresser and a chest of drawers.

As their toys get smaller (and fewer) other furniture can enter the room: shelving units, tables, vanities, sofas, bean bag chairs, etc. Older children can be quite creative with their room arrangements if given the chance. Beds can protrude into the middle of the room and desks or trunks can be placed at the foot. A bookcase can be placed at a 90 degree angle to a desk in a corner creating a nice work station. Remember Karen, the soon-to-be mother of 10? Her 6 oldest sons, ranging in age from 8 to 17, share a room (yes, a large one.) In this room you will find 3 bunk beds, 6 steamer trunks, a weight set, a sofa and chair, a stereo and a floor lamp. If her sons are anything like mine, you'll also probably find a couple of piles of books and school papers, Legoâ villages (which are not to be disturbed) and assorted plastic bins full of "collections" and various toys. (Okay, I'll admit, the bins are only half full - the other half is spread across the floor!)

To see the rest of these great organizing tips for kid's rooms visit FamilyCorner.com

5 Exercises Kids Should Never Do

Fitness isn't just a fad; it's a way of life. Sooner or later, your kids will want to make it a part of their lives, too -- if they're not too turned off by their gym classes, that is -- and you should encourage them be as active as possible. However, not all exercise is good exercise when it comes to kids. 

Jordan Metzl, M.D., a pediatric sports medicine physician at the Hospital for Special Surgery in New York City, explains that kids go through rapid physical changes between the ages of 8 and 12. For girls, a growth spurt will occur usually around the age of 8 or 9, and boys will encounter the changes around the age of 11 or 12. "During this sort of adolescent growth and development," says Metzl, "kids' bones are growing a lot faster than their muscles." Because of this phenomenon, kids lose flexibility as they grow, says Metzl, because the rapid growth puts pressure on their tendons. 

To read this entire article visit 5 Exercises Kids Should Never Do  on FamilyCorner.com